My glimpse into the meaning of Hell

When I was much younger I tried to wrap my head around Hell. What was this awful hot burning place where those who made wrong choices would end up. I got a glimpse of it tonight.

Tonight Eve reached a small milestone. Since the day we got her she has had to sleep alone, absolutely alone. She could be deathly tired but if I was holding her she would struggle and wiggle but would refuse to fall asleep. The only way she would sleep was if she was alone laying down somewhere, even on a hard floor in the middle of a room. One day we were at a restaurant and I knew she was very very tired, I tried to hold her and cuddle her but she pushed against me and struggled refusing to settle down. This went on for quite awhile until finally I laid her down on the seat next to me, she fell asleep in 1 min. I knew that this was due to the fact that she was probably never held or cuddled as she fell sleep so it felt unfamiliar to her.

Well tonight as I held and rocked her as I usually do when she drinks her bottle, her eyes got heavy and as she slowly finished her bottle, cuddled close in my arms, her body just melted into me and she fell asleep. After 3 weeks of refusal this moment was so monumental and tender. I held my breath for a moment as I felt her body become dead weight as she slowly dozed off. I was overwhelmed with love and appreciation for this tender moment. I knew this was hard for her but I knew that the trust between us had reached the point where she would surrender and accept the comfort of my love.

As I held her I thought back to 6 years ago when I thought I couldn't do this, I wrote about it here. My heart began to burn with pain at the thought that if I had not softened my heart, prayed, set my selfish desires aside and been open to the promptings of the spirit, I would have missed this moment. This moment was not just a sweet tender moment between a mother and child, this was everything. My joy was so great that I knew that if I had missed it, missed choosing her, missed bringing her home, missed this love that filled my heart......then that would be the eternal burning that we call Hell. Oh I may not have fully understood it in this life but one day I would have had all things before me and I would have known what I had missed by the choices I made.

My heart ached at the possibility......what if I had missed this?

I believe that Hell is going to be the moment when we stand before our Father in Heaven with a perfect knowledge of all things and we realize the fruit of our choices. When we can see clearly the things we missed by our refusal to know Him and his will for us. I have made, and continue to make, many mistakes in my life that I have to repent of and overcome. Tonight I am so deeply grateful that missing out on Eve wasn't one of them.