Mothers are so important!

When you have a new baby there are always family adjustments. Your current children, especially young ones, can feel a sense of displacement and insecurity in regards to their place in your family and your heart. It seems that it is a little bit more pronounced with adoption. We have thought about and prayed for Eve for 4 years, and now that she is on her way I sense that my younger two are wondering about what their life will be like when she arrives. They express excitement and love for her but there are subtle signs that tell me there is a struggle.

Signs like when I picked my 8 year old, Elle, up from school yesterday she seemed mad at me, I couldn't get out of her what was going on but suddenly she burst out in tears and told me she didn't want to go to tennis. "Why sweetie?" her answer....."Because I have to be away from you and I need more love". Hmm, so I told her I would stay and watch her the whole time and she seemed alright but constantly looked to me for approval during the lesson. Then after her evening bath she curled up in my arms and again said , "Mom, I haven't gotten enough love from you." "Ok sweetie I will hold you and give you all the love you want." After holding her for a long time I said "ok, time to go to bed". "Mom I just want to sleep with you, PLEASE, I don't want to leave you". Then she explained to me how she now hates school because that means she has to be away from me for a whole 6 hours and that is 6 hours with no love. This sudden hunger for attention and love is new. Don't get me wrong she always wants attention and hugs but this is much more pronounced. I just looked in her eyes last night and tried with all my heart to let her know that my love will not change when Eve arrives. I am praying that I will be able to maintain fulfilingl everyones needs as we embark upon this new exciting experience.

It is so amazing how important a mothers influence is. I was so totally aware of it last night as everyone was needing my love, help with homework, care, food and listening ear. I went from Elles' love and attention needs, to a long talk with my husband about important issues on his mind, to sitting on Chloe's bed being a listening ear, to getting everyone dinner and then helping everyone with homework and outfits for class picture day tomorrow. I fell into bed with a strong sense of my importance in their lives. All those needs could only be fulfilled by Mom. What an amazing thing to be so needed.

And another note!

Ok I can't post Chloe's latest song without posting the most recent from my 12 year old Olivia. I am so proud of their commitment to their craft! They absolutely love to write music and do it daily. I have to say this so I don't ever forget. When I pick up the girls from school or we are coming home from somewhere it is often common for kids to "call" things. Such as, "I call the computer when we get home". Well, it gives me deep joy and satisfaction that I can count on driving into the neighborhood and hear one of them say "I call the piano" with 2 or 3 others groaning in disappointment. It is so weird to me as I abhorred practicing the piano as a child and avoided it at all costs. Trust me...this is not due to any wonderful parenting on my part they just came to earth with this gift and desire. I love hearing the words "Mom, come and listen to my new song!" and I love laying in bed dozing off to them playing and singing. I LOVE IT!

I think Eve will like all the music she will be surrounded with.

"Inside of You"

We just adore her

I think of nothing else lately. Eve's pictures are everywhere and all of us can't stop staring and talking about her. She is the wallpaper of every ones phones and the screen saver for all our computers. I just endlessly keep looking in her eyes and wondering about her. What is her personality like, what does her voice sound like. With adoption it is such a new experience in that before I meet her I get to see her and wonder who she is. I think about her everyday and pray with all my heart that her foster family is taking good care of her. We also pray constantly that her spirit senses that we are coming for her and that she somehow knows she is loved by all of us here. Oh the wait to travel feels long, I want her in my arms now!!

I am really not that nice

We have been very quiet about our adoption for these 4-6 years that we have been waiting for her. Quiet for many reasons, the first being that with adoption you never know how long things will take and it can get tiring to have people constantly asking "So have you heard anything yet?" or "Hey when are you getting that baby?". We knew it could be a long time so we kept under the radar and quietly waited. Since getting the referral and being more open about her arrival I have been fascinated by a few of the responses I have gotten from people who infer that we are kind, generous people who are doing this amazing thing. I need to come clean and set the record straight. I am really not that nice.

I was never the girl who loved other peoples babies growing up. I didn't really enjoy babysitting as a teenager and didn't ask to hold all the young mothers infants in church. I have always had a very strong maternal instinct and I knew I would be a good mother but that would be to my babies. I absolutely love being a mother. I adore my children from the moment they are put in my arms and can think of no greater stewardship, or accomplishment that matches raising great human beings with strong values, morals and confidence. Motherhood brings me great joy and satisfaction!

Shamefully I am not the lady who wants to just gather up all the babies of the world and take them into my fold. I have such a strong attachment to my children that I couldn't imagine feeling that same thing for a child that wasn't my own. When my husband came to me 6 years ago and said "Gale, we have a daughter out there that we need to find and adopt" I was surprised and quite honestly, I was not on board. I respect and honor my husband so much that I knew I needed to listen to him and consider what he was saying but after weeks of trying to wrap my head around bringing a child into my home who would be foreign and different in smell, look and familiarity I was struggling. He asked that we just begin the process while I took time to pray and think it through and then, at anytime, if I firmly felt I couldn't do it then we could pull back and stop the process. He was sensitive to my struggle but anxious to move forward. I was alright with that and moved forward but I drug my feet every step of the way. I prayed with all my heart for understanding, prayed that I would know what my husband knew and that if there was a little girl out there that I needed to bring in and love that the Lord would give me the understanding and capacity.

I wish I could say that I prayed for a few days, or even week, got my answer and moved on but no, it was a struggle of monumental proportions. So many women would have just done this so easily, why was it such a struggle for me? I had so many fears and doubts about my ability. I guess the one good thing was that I didn't give up. I continued to do the paper work required and continued my prayerful quest. I knew that if it was right I would receive an understanding, of this I had absolute faith.

Because some of these experiences are so personal and of a spiritual nature I will refrain from giving all the details but I will say that after over a year of prayer, struggle and a desire to know what my husband knew, my answer came. It came in such a powerful way that it left no doubt whatsoever that I had a daughter who I needed to put my heart and soul into finding. Not only did the understanding come to my mind but my heart was changed. In just a moment I went from feeling fear and unease to absolute love and joy at the thought of this child becoming mine. It is amazing to me how the Lord can give understanding and peace that is so sure and so complete. From that day on I have felt nothing but absolute love for Eve and an absolute sure knowledge that she is mine.

The overwhelming feeling I have today is of humility. I am humbled that I was chosen to mother this sweet child. Humbled at the patience of my husband and the Lord as I struggled with this choice. I know now that Eve is more of a blessing to us than we ever could be to her. I feel unworthy of this great stewardship but it is mine and I will give my all.

We are waiting for travel clearance and looking forward to our travels to China. Our girls are anxious beyond belief for their sister to be home with us. I am at peace but at the same time full of great joy at this exciting adventure. I already love her!

Below is a photo of the Yiyang Social Welfare Institute. Eve was found on July 10th, 2009 at the gate (in the photo below). She was found with a small piece of paper tucked in her clothing that gave only her birthdate.

On another note

My girls have been continually writing music so I thought today I would post one of Chloe's latest! "Falling in Love with Falling in Love"

I'll love you forever

Today Ava came to me about 5 or 6 times with tears in her eyes and asked "Mom, are you going to love Eve more than me?"
"Oh my sweet little sponge cake I will always love you with all my heart". She is so worried, I can see it in her eyes, and hear it in the tone of her voice. All day I did special things to remind her of how much I love her. She has been the baby for so long and this will be a big change for her. I will have to be careful and sensitive to her tender heart.

Her name is Eve!

Today is monumental for our family. After 4 years of waiting and hundreds of heartfelt prayers we finally got our referral today. We now know that our sweet new adoptive daughter is currently living in the Jiangxi province of China. She was born on July 10th 2009 and is currently living in foster care. We will be traveling to China in the next 4-6 weeks to pick her up. There are no words to explain the joy we feel after such a long wait.

Her name is Eve and sometime soon I will write about why we chose to adopt, why our family is not complete without her, and why her name is so significant.

Wow what a special day!!