We have been very quiet about our adoption for these 4-6 years that we have been waiting for her. Quiet for many reasons, the first being that with adoption you never know how long things will take and it can get tiring to have people constantly asking "So have you heard anything yet?" or "Hey when are you getting that baby?". We knew it could be a long time so we kept under the radar and quietly waited. Since getting the referral and being more open about her arrival I have been fascinated by a few of the responses I have gotten from people who infer that we are kind, generous people who are doing this amazing thing. I need to come clean and set the record straight. I am really not that nice.
I was never the girl who loved other peoples babies growing up. I didn't really enjoy babysitting as a teenager and didn't ask to hold all the young mothers infants in church. I have always had a very strong maternal instinct and I knew I would be a good mother but that would be to my babies. I absolutely love being a mother. I adore my children from the moment they are put in my arms and can think of no greater stewardship, or accomplishment that matches raising great human beings with strong values, morals and confidence. Motherhood brings me great joy and satisfaction!
Shamefully I am not the lady who wants to just gather up all the babies of the world and take them into my fold. I have such a strong attachment to my children that I couldn't imagine feeling that same thing for a child that wasn't my own. When my husband came to me 6 years ago and said "Gale, we have a daughter out there that we need to find and adopt" I was surprised and quite honestly, I was not on board. I respect and honor my husband so much that I knew I needed to listen to him and consider what he was saying but after weeks of trying to wrap my head around bringing a child into my home who would be foreign and different in smell, look and familiarity I was struggling. He asked that we just begin the process while I took time to pray and think it through and then, at anytime, if I firmly felt I couldn't do it then we could pull back and stop the process. He was sensitive to my struggle but anxious to move forward. I was alright with that and moved forward but I drug my feet every step of the way. I prayed with all my heart for understanding, prayed that I would know what my husband knew and that if there was a little girl out there that I needed to bring in and love that the Lord would give me the understanding and capacity.
I wish I could say that I prayed for a few days, or even week, got my answer and moved on but no, it was a struggle of monumental proportions. So many women would have just done this so easily, why was it such a struggle for me? I had so many fears and doubts about my ability. I guess the one good thing was that I didn't give up. I continued to do the paper work required and continued my prayerful quest. I knew that if it was right I would receive an understanding, of this I had absolute faith.
Because some of these experiences are so personal and of a spiritual nature I will refrain from giving all the details but I will say that after over a year of prayer, struggle and a desire to know what my husband knew, my answer came. It came in such a powerful way that it left no doubt whatsoever that I had a daughter who I needed to put my heart and soul into finding. Not only did the understanding come to my mind but my heart was changed. In just a moment I went from feeling fear and unease to absolute love and joy at the thought of this child becoming mine. It is amazing to me how the Lord can give understanding and peace that is so sure and so complete. From that day on I have felt nothing but absolute love for Eve and an absolute sure knowledge that she is mine.
The overwhelming feeling I have today is of humility. I am humbled that I was chosen to mother this sweet child. Humbled at the patience of my husband and the Lord as I struggled with this choice. I know now that Eve is more of a blessing to us than we ever could be to her. I feel unworthy of this great stewardship but it is mine and I will give my all.
We are waiting for travel clearance and looking forward to our travels to China. Our girls are anxious beyond belief for their sister to be home with us. I am at peace but at the same time full of great joy at this exciting adventure. I already love her!
Below is a photo of the Yiyang Social Welfare Institute. Eve was found on July 10th, 2009 at the gate (in the photo below). She was found with a small piece of paper tucked in her clothing that gave only her birthdate.
10 comments:
Hi Gale! You don't know me. I found your blog a while back and I visit from time to time. I'm so sorry if that sounds really creepy! I hope that you don't mind my reading. I fell in love with you and your family pretty much right away. I love all of you. I know that in may sound a little bit crazy, but I really do. I don't know any of you, but I can just tell that you all have such sweet spirits. I love your perspective about life and about motherhood. I just have to tell you that I admire you so, so much. I would be happy to be even just a little bit like you some day. I really should have commented before now. I'd just always think to myself that you didn't really need to get a comment from little old me. Tonight, though, I was reminded that I need to get better about letting people know that I love them.
I am so inspired by your decision to adopt. I do not think any less of you because it took you a while to feel comfortable with your decision. It's just like anything else in life- it really doesn't matter how long it takes you to learn something. All that matters is that you do eventually learn it. What a blessing it must have been for you to feel such peace about the adoption.
I am so happy for you and your family and for that sweet little Eve. You're all so blessed to have each other. It's crazy sometimes how Heavenly Father brings people into our lives. There's always a reason.
Ok, this thing is getting a little too long. Sorry!
I think it's wonderful! Can't wait to read that all is done and little Eve is home where she belongs!
Can I suggest you watch a Family is Family is a Family. It is on HBO and was created by Rosie O'Donnell. While you may not agree with her lifestyle this mini documentary will give you much peace.
I love your honesty. Thank you for sharing your story on the train to Silverton 2 years ago and for sharing it again on the blog.
Congratulations on your new baby girl... I can't wait to hear about your trip back to China and the transition when you bring her home. You guys are awesome! Hope all is well.
Love ~ Tracey
I can understand how you felt. I was the same when I was younger, not interested in babysitting or other peoples babies. Now that I'm a mother I feel love for my children like I've never felt before! I'm so excited to hear about your new daughter! Keep us up to date, and please let me know if there is anything you and your family may need. I'd love to help with anything you need. Congratulations!
WOW! I love reading your posts - they are always so thoughtful and so well written! Thank you for keeping things real and sharing your story! So many times I read peoples' blogs and life is just such a rosey picture that I think "what a phony!!!" You, on the other hand, aren't afraid to be genuine and I appreciate that so much! Thank you! We've struggled with the question of whether to add to our family. I think my husband's journey has been similar to yours. Heavenly Father is amazing at softening hearts and showing us the way when we let Him! Best of luck!!! Can't wait to hear more!!!
I think you are very brave to write something like this. People often feel this way about their second BIRTH child. How can you imagine ever loving another child as much as you do your first (and that point, "only")? Of course it's initially difficult to imagine loving another child as much as you love the ones you've known since before they were even born. But this sounds so right for your beautiful family (and I mean the "inside" kind of beautiful contrary to the reason for our introduction way back when...). I can't wait to see pictures of Eve with her older sisters. And I have to say - that husband of yours sounds like an exceptional man. He was obviously meant to be a dad. I'm so happy for all of you.
Kate you are so right about my husband. Many of the women I know stop having children before they are ready and they always say, "my husband doesn't want any more." My husband on the other hand has always believed that our greatest joy and legacy in life will be raising children that make a difference in the world. I am so grateful for his unwavering commitment to fatherhood and our girls well-being. I feel so blessed!
Gale- I remember when you first told me about your experiences in deciding to adopt. I had tears in my eyes then, and again now, as I re-read it. I hope the whole process will go smoothly for you. I can't wait to see her safe and at home in your arms. I am so happy for you guys. I know it has been a long time coming, but she is beautiful and worth the wait.
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