I can't believe it......we have lost our minds!

For our friends and family who know us well they know that Chris and I adore each other. Really we do!!!! Our kids get annoyed because we flirt and kiss too much and we just genuinely love to be together. We have gone on a date every single Sat night since the day we got married and we make a point of keepin the love alive.

So with the adoption and all the craziness of life imagine our surprise when tonight at around 5 pm as we were making some airline flights and talking about dates for my Mom to come and visit and Chris said..."what's the date today?" at which Olivia replied "April 28". Chris just sat there and stared at me with a blank bewildered look and then in a slow methodical voice said, "Gale, do you realize that today is our anniversary?" We both just sat there in shock.....absolute shock!! My mind was spinning in disbelief. Could we really have just completely forgotten our 18th anniversary......YUP!

The funny thing is that it wasn't one of those things that I thought about last week or last month and then just had it slip my mind, it hadn't even entered my mind at all. We both started laughing and then he said...."do you even care?" "nope" I said "do you" "nope" he replied!

Then he said...."our anniversary gift is Eve and the 4 girls and this is the best anniversary EVER!!" I agree!!!

I am sure we will go to dinner this weekend and celebrate but I must say that 18 years ago I made the wisest and most important decision I have ever made!

Update

So the day after I wrote the last post Chloe and Olivia got in a huge fight over who wore who's clothes and hair and make-up issues. Ava and Elle were fighting today about who would sit where when driving in the car and when eating breakfast. All the altercations involved tears. I need to add that girls are FULL of drama and tears. So today, even though I am so in love with my girls, I can't be sure I have the strength to raise all 5 of them. :) Ha ha

Sisters

I have had many many people question me on why I adopted a girl. Isn't that funny? it is to me! I just keep getting comments like. "Wow you have 4 girls already and you adopted another one? Why didn't you adopt a boy?" I often feel that people can't comprehend that I am not pining to have a boy in the mix.

I know that a boy in the family would be a treasure and my friends who have boys just love having a little man around but I NEVER feel empty, hope for, or feel incomplete because I have all girls. I just feel like Chris and I were meant to be the parents of these amazing girls and it all feels so right and so absolutely wonderful. There is no question that we were meant to adopt a girl and I never thought twice about it. I love having 4 sisters. My sisters are my lifeline, greatest confidants and best friends. I can't imagine my life without them. There is something about a sister who sees you through all your school dances, first kisses, marriage and babies and knows everything about you. It is a relationship that, aside from my husband, is unequaled.

So tonight as Olivia got ready for her big cotillion dance I loved seeing her rely on her big sister. Chloe did her makeup and hair, gave her advise, and cheered her on right to the drop off. I can't tell you how happy it made me to see the love and closeness they share. I watched and thought about my love for and reliance on my sisters and I see those same bonds between my daughters and it just fills me with joy. I am grateful that Eve will be surrounded by hair and makeup advise, someone to always tell her secrets to, and a safety net that will be there long after I am gone.

Getting ready before the dance

At the dance with her best friend Taylor

I think she looked stunning last night!! My little girl is growing up.

What a difference 30 days can make!

10:30 am March 22nd 2010, Eve meets her Dad for the first time, she looks a little bewildered

Meeting Mom, she was so cautious

Then she got scared!

We never quite figured out why they dressed her like a boy?

Her first feeding, she was so hungry when we got her!!

Those first few minutes after meeting her, can you see in my eyes that I loved her instantly

Today, only 30 days later!

Oh what a difference only 30 days can make, our life is bigger because of her.

We won the life lottery,

So glad it's not a dream!

This morning was Ava cuddled up in my lap with Eve and was giggling and playing with her when she said "Mom I am just soooo glad that this isn't a dream". " What do you mean sweetie" I asked.

"Every morning I wake up and when I see Eve I realize that she is real and it wasn't just a dream and it makes me so so happy, I am just so glad she is real". Kids just express things in such a cute way. I so glad it isn't a dream too!

Lines drawn-----Sunday thoughts

I find life to be so amazing........SO amazing. I look at all the mistakes, experiences and growth that I have experienced over the years and can feel nothing but gratitude. It is absolutely a sure thing to me that the Lord is over all and guiding and directing us if we allow it.

There have been times in my life when I have drawn lines marking what I felt was my capacity. "I can handle this, but not that". I have made determinations as to what I felt was my maximum ability. Not long ago I studied about a group of Mormon pioneers "the Martin/Willie handcart company. As I read I thought to myself, "I could never have done this, I could not have endured or handled what they were required to do and suffer". As I thought and prayed further my mind was opened up to an understanding that each of those people would have said exactly the same thing. Yet each of those survivors became great and did great things for their cause because they had endured and triumphed.

What my heart began to understand is that I don't know myself. I lived before this life with my Father in Heaven. As his child he knows me so much more than I know myself and he knows my capacity much better than me. When I no longer draw lines indicating what I am willing to do and simply say, "Father you know me better than I know myself, help me live up to my capacity and fulfill the measure of my creation", that is when miracles happen and our lives become so much bigger than we could have made ourselves.

Live is so amazing!

Sitting up, moving around and just plain cute!!

Every day Eve seems to reach a new milestone. She has now learned to sit up, she is getting spunkier everyday and her preferred method of travel is rolling all over the place. The girls can't get enough of her and play with her and love on her from the moment they get home from school till they have to go to bed. It is so rewarding to watch it all progress. So so rewarding.

I got lucky and caught her mid-roll

Ava turns 6!

We had such a fun day as we celebrated Ava's birthday this past weekend. I can't believe how fast she is growing up. We took Popsicles to her school class for a birthday treat, then Chris and I took Ava to the tea room for a whimsical lunch. We had so much fun and she felt so loved and important. At lunch Ava kept scolding Chris and I if we ever started talking to each other and didn't make her the focus of attention. It was cracking me up!

She got a bike and then a designer type toy called a Harumika....I hadn't heard of it before but it rocks!!! You get all kinds of fabrics and get to design clothes. I have to admit that for the past 3 days we have played non stop.....yes I said "we", as in Chloe, Olivia, Elle, Ava and I have all really enjoyed playing with it. I have to say that I think that I have created some killer designs. Needless to say, it was a hit.

Ava taking a spin on her new bike!

The girls went straight to designing

One of Ava's designs

Of course Eve joined us for lunch and loved every minute of it!

My glimpse into the meaning of Hell

When I was much younger I tried to wrap my head around Hell. What was this awful hot burning place where those who made wrong choices would end up. I got a glimpse of it tonight.

Tonight Eve reached a small milestone. Since the day we got her she has had to sleep alone, absolutely alone. She could be deathly tired but if I was holding her she would struggle and wiggle but would refuse to fall asleep. The only way she would sleep was if she was alone laying down somewhere, even on a hard floor in the middle of a room. One day we were at a restaurant and I knew she was very very tired, I tried to hold her and cuddle her but she pushed against me and struggled refusing to settle down. This went on for quite awhile until finally I laid her down on the seat next to me, she fell asleep in 1 min. I knew that this was due to the fact that she was probably never held or cuddled as she fell sleep so it felt unfamiliar to her.

Well tonight as I held and rocked her as I usually do when she drinks her bottle, her eyes got heavy and as she slowly finished her bottle, cuddled close in my arms, her body just melted into me and she fell asleep. After 3 weeks of refusal this moment was so monumental and tender. I held my breath for a moment as I felt her body become dead weight as she slowly dozed off. I was overwhelmed with love and appreciation for this tender moment. I knew this was hard for her but I knew that the trust between us had reached the point where she would surrender and accept the comfort of my love.

As I held her I thought back to 6 years ago when I thought I couldn't do this, I wrote about it here. My heart began to burn with pain at the thought that if I had not softened my heart, prayed, set my selfish desires aside and been open to the promptings of the spirit, I would have missed this moment. This moment was not just a sweet tender moment between a mother and child, this was everything. My joy was so great that I knew that if I had missed it, missed choosing her, missed bringing her home, missed this love that filled my heart......then that would be the eternal burning that we call Hell. Oh I may not have fully understood it in this life but one day I would have had all things before me and I would have known what I had missed by the choices I made.

My heart ached at the possibility......what if I had missed this?

I believe that Hell is going to be the moment when we stand before our Father in Heaven with a perfect knowledge of all things and we realize the fruit of our choices. When we can see clearly the things we missed by our refusal to know Him and his will for us. I have made, and continue to make, many mistakes in my life that I have to repent of and overcome. Tonight I am so deeply grateful that missing out on Eve wasn't one of them.

Is it just me....or can you see a difference?

Just prior to leaving to go to China we got some updated pictures of Eve taken in Jan or Feb. In her eyes I saw a hollow look that just looked so so sad to me. Yesterday I pulled those pictures back up and compared them to now and I see a huge difference. I believe love, contentment and security show more on her face now than in these foster care pictures. I will never know what her life was like in foster care but just her lack of development and the speed at which she is catching up lets me know that it wasn't anything close to the love and attention she gets now. I appreciate her foster mother because I know that she was cared for much better than in an orphanage but it would never be what a loving forever family could give. I can see a difference in these pictures and it is not due to the cute outfits or bows in the hair....it is in the eyes.

I think a light has gone on in her soul!!!

Finally......a little bit of grouchy!

Eve is a dream baby. She sleeps 9-10 hours at night. Takes 3 naps a day, rarely cries, smiles and laughs a lot. She is such a sweetie that I am in awe. Well today she had her first doctors appointment and got a bunch of shots and tests. She of course cried when getting her shots and then the doctor told me that she would be a little grouchy tonight from the effects of the shots, when he said that I thought "well you don't know my daughter, she doesn't know how to be grouchy".

Ha ha, to my shock and delight, this afternoon she was grouchy!! I know that seems silly to be happy for her being disagreeable but it was nice to see that she could have this side to her.

She is doing great. We are all so absolutely in love with her. My favorite thing is to watch her with her sisters. They all fight over her daily and want to do everything for her. I was very grateful when the weekend ended and they all went back to school so I could get reacquainted with her.

Reading with Olivia

Cooking with Chloe......the girls just can't get enough of her!