My never ending pursuit

As I begin this blog, which will really be more like a journal to me, I must explain "A magnanimous life". It sounds a bit arrogant but its purpose is simply to remind me of what it is I am trying to attain in this life not where I currently reside. At this point in time I really don't think of myself as an idealist. I am grounded in life, it has and will be difficult and imperfect to the very end. That having been said, I do have some idealist tendencies in that I believe that many get close to greatness by keeping their eye on a goal or desire that is bigger than themselves. It may never be attained but I believe the pursuit is well worth it.

When I was in college I read a book on the life of George Washington. The writer described him as a man with a "magnanimous consistency of purpose". I don't know why but that line hit me with such force. I had no idea what that meant but I knew somehow that I wanted it. As Chris and I have moved through our 15 years together I am acutely aware how I failed in that youthful desire. 15 years of stumbling through selfishness, wasted time, putting on airs, and trying too hard to create an ideal rather than be myself, have been so meaningful and valuable to me. I have fallen, gotten up and realized that I missed the ball. I no longer seek to have a magnanimous consistency of purpose, I am ever changing in both who I am and what I feel my purpose is, but now I seek to create a magnanimous life. I believe that it is not the great and important things that we do in this life that matter. Things such as prestigious jobs and titles, being revered or respected by others, being seen as competent and successful....it is what we do everyday in our small circle of influence that matters. How did I treat my neighbor, friends, family. How did I go through this day? Was I kind, did I lift someone up, did I have integrity in the choices I made no matter how small. Am I a positive influence on those around me? Am I magnanimous? Def; magnanimous: of noble spirit, very generous, kind, forgiving.

OK, I am seriously pontificating here.....I am such a failure at this in so many ways but I have an ideal in mind. I keep it in mind every day and it makes me a better wife, mother, and citizen. So I think of a "magnanimous life" as one filled with love and generosity, and in turn Joy. That is my pursuit.