People that I love

I was thinking over the weekend about people that I love and why. I have a little goofy thing that I say when I know someone who really impresses me. I say "I want them in my wagon train" It is silly but I always think through things in a off beat way and I often think about the pioneers who settled the west and the horrible things they endured as they traveled across the country in their wagon trains. I always ponder what kind of people I would want to take that kind of journey with. Hard working people, good attitudes, positive, resourceful, see solutions and not problems and deep abiding faith. I think that is why I have loved living here. There is a wealth of wagon train people here. I have to mention a family here named the Datins. I LOVE the Datins. They are farm people, they have 7 children and raise cattle and have very little of what the world would value but I have met very few people that I admire more. 3 of their daughters have been our permanent babysitters until they each went off to college and we have loved them dearly. If I am ever called upon to take up my wagon there is no question I would head straight for the Datins and pray that they would have us. Their children have been taught hard work. When their son left on his mission he had $17,000.00 in the bank that he had personally earned and worked hard for. Sister Datin has a masters degree and is SMART. Her husband is the same. They take pride in all they do and live GOOD lives based on hard work, integrity, honesty and service. They live a simple life and I admire them deeply. I am so blessed to know so many people who are salt of the earth, kind, service oriented people who focus their lives on meaningful things. These are the people that I love!! There are wagon train people everywhere and they are a treasure to find. I hope that I fashion my life to be wagon train worthy.

Barely keeping my head above water

Wow the past 5 days have been such a flurry of activity and busyness that I am grateful they are done. There is so much to say so I will just give a rundown. Olivia did awesome!! She performed like a true professional. The director who was here visiting from New York gave her rave reviews. We didn't get much video because we were in the wings most of the time but here is a little clip. One evening Chris was there with her and we were text messaging back and forth and after one of her scenes she text messaged me "Mom, I love this...the stage is my home". So cute, I think she has found something she loves.

Chloe and Olivia had their 2 songs made into a demo CD. It was so fun the day they arrived and we held them in our hands. Chloe told a few friends in her vocal class that she had Cd's and a few wanted them. We had ordered 40 Cd's so we gave her 10 that she could sell at school for $3.00. Well, she came home the first day empty handed and said she had tons more kids who wanted them. 2nd day she sold another 20 and now word has gotten out in the school and today she took 10 more and we are out of Cd's. The teachers were buying them too and were playing the songs in their class rooms. It was fun for her. Guess we need to order more!

Can't say enough good about our friend and photographer Lissa Hatcher who designed the cover (http://www.lissahatcher.com/) . I don't think of her as a photographer, I think she is an artist, that is why she has won a million awards and her work is featured in many magazines. She is a visionary and when she told me her idea for the shoot......a barren field, balloon, lots of pink fabric, and a corset I just couldn't envision it. When we showed up at that barren field with the wind howling and bad light I thought, "If she can pull this one off she will have all my respect. Well she has it. She is now a dear friend. We just love her and her family.

Well, I am on a week now of waking up at 5am and going to the gym. I was getting up and getting the kids off to school then going to the gym after I dropped them off at 9:00 am. I never got home until 10:30 then by the time I showered, got lunch for Ava and straightened the house It was noon and I only had 2 1/2 hours before it was time to pick up Chloe. My days were running away from me so I realized 2 weeks ago that I had to make a change. Now it is up at 5:00am and to the gym. I am home by 6:30, able to shower quickly then make the girls breakfast and by the time they are gone I am ready to take on a full day. I have gotten so much done since I started this schedule. I hate the initial wake up but I love it once I am there. I can start the day off with a great church talk on my iPod as I do the elliptical and I am a new woman.

I now need to start going to bed earlier. I just cherish the time that Chris and I have alone after the girls are settled down. I drag it on as long as I can because it is our one time to be alone, talk about the day and reconnect. It bums me out to have to cut that short so maybe I will just be tired all the time. Oh well.

Tagged by Melissa

Sorry Melissa, I am going to break Tagging rules.

I was tagged by my friend Melissa and I began filling in the answers to the questions but then I thought......I have some other questions I want answered by my friends. So I am making my own. These questions are things that I REALLY want to know about all of you. So I will fill these in and then I want all my friends who read this (including Melissa) to consider themselves tagged. Sarah, Shawna, Brooklyn, Chelsey, Lori, Darci, Delise, Leslie, Jen, Kelly, Julie, Robyn, Chris (my husband) I know there are more that I am forgetting.....you know who you are and I would love to hear your answers. (Some of you have teen daughters that blog. I would love to hear their answers too) OK here goes.

I love to read great books. My best birthday party EVER was when my friend Lori invited all my Friends and had them bring me, as a gift, their favorite book. We sat around and they each told me about their book as I opened them and I just loved getting these books that meant a lot to my friends.

I want to know..... What are 5 of your favorite books. Now I already know that for most of you the scriptures will be at the top, so that is a given and can't be included. I have many books that I love both spiritual and secular, here I will put ones that you may not be aware of.

Here are mine:

1. John Adams by David McCullough. I was heart broken as I read the last page. I wanted it to go on forever. This intimate look into one of our past presidents and his wife was a treasure. David McCullough is a master storyteller.

2. Bonds that make us free by Terry Warner. Was given to me by someone I respect and love just this year and it has been life changing. I have a new perspective on relationships and people. I think this is a must read for everyone.

3. Lessons from a Father to His Son by John Ashcroft. How I came across this book is a funny story. I was at Barnes and Noble looking for a gift for Chris and as I was walking out this little book caught my eye. It was in a bargain bin and was only a couple of dollars. I thought it would be a nothing book but I learned so much from it. It was a little treasure.

4. As a Man Thinketh by James Allen. This has so many nuggets of truth. It is small and powerful. I LOVE it!

5. The Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer. This is absolutely a guilty pleasure. I am very busy right now in my life so when I take the time to read I try to read things of meaning and purpose. There is no meaning and purpose here but I highly recommend these books. I had so much fun reading them.

p.s. To Him That Believeth by Fredrick Babbel is 5 stars for me also....oh I could go on and on, I love great books.

OK question number 2. What are your 5 favorite movies.

I grew up the daughter of the owner of a movie theater in a small town in Canada. I was the snack bar girl for many of those years and it is in my blood to love movies. Chris and I have gone on a weekly date since the day we got married and we often go to the movies. We are picky and have walked out of many for vulgarity and content but again (I hate to overuse the word) there are treasures. Share what you have found to be those treasures.

1. Shadowlands. I have watched this movie many times and i love it like an old friend. I audibly wept when I saw it the first time. I love C.S. Lewis so this look into a part of his life is dear to me.

2. Spitfire Grill. This is a little known independent film that we enjoyed so much about redemption and forgiveness.

3. Waking Ned Devine. Laughed and Laughed. There are points in this movie that I can tell the actors are not acting, they are really having fun and laughing. We saw it in New York city and ate warm Krispy Kreme's as we watched.....how could we not have loved it.

4. Life is Beautiful. Such a great movie. There is very little else to say. Amazing.

5. Pride and Prejudice. Loved the book, love the movie. Whenever my girls and I are looking for something to fill an evening we always look at each other with excitement and say "Let's watch Pride and Prejudice again" We are all hopeless romantics.

p.s. The Ultimate Gift is a great movie too, and oh I better stop!!!

Top 5 songs on your iPod or MP3 player.

Mine are listed on the side of my blog. I love finding new music and so I always ask my friends for recommendations. I love hearing what you are listening to. I LOVE great music and I strangely feel that my life should have a soundtrack to it, Ha Ha. It would make it so much better.

List 5 things you hope to accomplish before you die.

1. I want to write a book (this may be with my husband)

2. I want to get an advanced degree

3. I want to write a great song ( I have written songs but there is a song I know I will write that will be a sit in your soul type song. I am not even close now but one day I will write it and I will know when it is done.)

4. I want to serve a mission with my husband. I can't wait for this!!

5. I want to teach (with Chris) at the Jerusalem Center for Near Eastern Studies. (Hence, I need the advanced degree.)

I have way more questions but I will stop here.......this post is way too long. I am really anxious to read all your answers and if you have some that I didn't ask that you want to answer feel free.

Olivia the Opera singer!

Almost 2 weeks ago we were at piano lessons (they take at the university) when the performing arts director came to me and said we need some help. "There is a production that needs a little girl, Olivia comes highly recommended, would she be available." I talked with Olivia and told her that her role would be a crowd scene....no lines and no singing but we thought it would be fun. She agreed and we both had visions of her being in a fun musical. Well, after she said yes we found out it wasn't a musical, it was an opera. Oh my! Olivia was a little less enthused. We showed up for the first rehearsal and there were supposed to be 2 little girls, her and one other girl playing the part of sisters. The other girl had a significant part with lines, lots of singing etc. After the first rehearsal Olivia hated it and wanted to quit. These were her complaints.

1. I don't do anything but sit up on the stage.
2. Everyone keeps spitting on me. (You know how opera singers belt out those songs with so much gusto spittle just flys)
3. They treated me like a little girl (She doesn't get that she is a little girl).

We had a long talk about keeping commitments and how following through with this could lead to other opportunities in the future. Be the best you can be with where you are!! Well at the next rehearsal Grace, the other girl didn't show up....she was sick, and the next rehearsal, and the next rehearsal. Suddenly yesterday after 7 days straight of sickness and opening night 3 days away Olivia, the understudy, was on!!! I don't know how many of you have listened to much opera but the music is HARD!! There is no rhyme or reason to the notes and they jump from major to minor for no reason. This is definitely the hardest music Olivia has ever had to learn. She is on cloud nine and so happy to have this opportunity. She now loves the whole cast and has learned to deal with the spitting. Chris and I are worn out from nightly rehearsals at the university (40 min drive from our house) from 6-11 pm every night and Olivia is running on way less sleep than she is used to but this weekend she performs and it will all be over and she can take a break!! She absolutely sparkles on stage!!

This is olivia listening to her vocal parts on her iPod......she has listend for hours to get her parts down right.

Reality Check

Last night as I was wrapping up the day there was a quiet moment when Chloe said "Mom, can I ask you a question?" There was a cadence to her tone that indicated something serious. "Sure" I said. "Do you feel stressed when Daddy is gone?" she asked. That was an easy one, "Yes, I replied, a little bit......when he is gone it is a little more work, Why?" The reply was a mini bombshell, "Because you just don't seem really happy, are you happy?" I'm absolutely happy....deliriously happy.....deeply happy, I replied slightly defensive, I am so surprised you would say that. Why would you say that?" "You just don't seem happy lately Mom" "What do you mean by lately" I asked. Then another bombshell...."Well, the past while....few weeks, month or so." Again I said slightly defensively "Well Chloe you don't have a very good read on me because I am so so, happy I can hardly stand it happy, super duper incandescently happy (I had to throw in a bit of Pride and Prejudice) happy happy happy." She just shrugged with a slightly disbelieving look and walked away. I was incensed....what in heavens name was she talking about.

I have done some self reflecting since that conversation and her question combined with the fact that someone I love and respect called me about a week ago and out of the blue asked me if she had offended me in some way......again I was completely shocked.....why in heavens name would she think that? She said I had been acting colder and more distant. Well, It was time for me to figure out why those around me are feeling shut out. It is strange in light of the fact that I have felt more joy of late than almost any other time in my life. So what kind of vibe am I giving off to others???? I have thought about this and I tend to be a deep thinker. I have thought through every angle of life and what I am not sure about I read to find out. I philosophize everything. I feel bad for my sisters because lately every time I call them we end up talking for an hour on the most thought provoking serious subjects (they are a lot like me). I love it, but when I am in a time like this where I am always fathoms deep because there is so much that Chris and I are doing and figuring out, I realize that I am more somber than I realize. I feel so happy but no one around me can see it because I am deep in thought all the time.

So today I am making a conscious decision to smile and laugh. I have thought enough, there is so much going on in my head but I need to relax and just laugh and make sure that the Mom my kids remember is laughing, happy, and having fun. I appreciate and love Chloe for asking the question. It was a reality check that I needed.

Valentines Day!!

This is our first Valentines Day apart. We got engaged 16 years ago today and it is such a happy memory, early evening walking on the beach in San Diego the sun had just gone down and.....well the rest is just way too cheesy and personal so I think that is quite enough.
It has been a bummer to be apart but....that being said, we have been in contact all day about every hour either on the phone or text messaging and his trip is going great. This has been extremely stressful as we invested a lot for him to go and took a risk but I believe it has payed off in a big way and in the long run it will have been so worth it. I feel like there is so much to say right now but I need to refrain for so many reasons, one being that I am way too tired to be coherent. I feel so grateful tonight. Happy Valentines Day to all my friends and loved ones.

2/15 Ok, just got up and realized my Valentines Day post was a little dower so I figured I better add all the fun that happened also....first off the girls woke up to fun treats and little gifts laid out by their breakfast plates. It was mostly fun knee high stripey socks and treats (We have never done big gifts for valentines...it is a love day) We were all missing Dad when all the sudden the phone rang and it was Chris saying "Take all the girls into my office and open a book on my shelf" Well we all ran in there and in the book was a note leading us to another location......Yeah a treasure hunt!!! It was so cute. Before he left he had hidden notes all over the house leading us to a final location with a fun surprise. Oh we LOVE him. The girls all had fun Valentines Day parties at school and we had lots of love today, well except for Elle. She was on her second day of being sick so she got lots of love at home. She was so sad to miss her party. After school I ran up there and picked up all her valentines and treats and she opened them all at home. It was a fun day and we can't wait to see Dad tonight.

Funny Family Quotes

Chris came home from the gym and he was all wet because he had been swimming. He grabbed Ava and was kissing her and telling her he loved her. She thought he was wet with sweat and said "Dad, I love you too but right now you are really gross to me".

This morning I went into my bedroom and Ava had snuck in a bag of Christmas candy that I had hidden that she had searched and found. There were wrappers all over and she had chocolate all over her face. I looked at her in shock but she was grinning from ear to ear and said "Mom, I am so so so so sorry about this candy". I said "Ava you don't look sorry" and she just started laughing.

Chris has been gone now for 6 days (only 6 more to go). This morning Ava said: "Mom, did Dad die?" I said no he is on a boat. Ava: "I really think he is dead Mom." 11/10/07This morning I was headed to the restroom and Ava was following me in...I said "Ava you can't come with me this is private" She looked at me, paused and replied. "Are you embarrassed because you are wearing those big panties again?" (see October 15th post for reference on this) 11/8/07

As I was holding Ava in my arms like a baby and kissing on her she said "Mom, do you have a penny? I said yes, why? because I am going to make a wish that I can be your baby again" 11/6/07

Olivia: "Mom, I am going to name my blog "Daddy's little cutie pie" is that ok...I really don't want to hurt your feelings but he did win me a 6 ft teddy bear." 10/28/07

Ava after we went for a walk: I said: "Ava, did you have fun on our walk.?" Ava: "Yes, Mom but now my armpits are all sweaty."

Ava: "Mom you have chubby eyebrows."

Elle Epiphany

Each of my girls are so special to me and each have such unique and different personalities but do you remember the Sesame Street segment where they had 4 boxes on the screen with 3 bananas and one apple and they would sing "Three of these things belong together 3 of these things are kinda the same but one of these things is not like the others....etc. Well my 4 girls' definitely belong together but in one area they have not been the same. Chloe, Olivia and Ava just LOVE the spotlight.....give them a microphone, a stage and lots of attention and they are all about it. Elle came out different.....or so I thought.....until Monday night, I had an epiphany!!!

When Elle was first asked to give a talk in church she stood, said the first 2 lines and then large alligator tears came rolling down and it has continued to this day. She has never given a talk in church, said a prayer or said lines for the primary program without tears. She has feared standing before anyone because she knows she will cry. We worked and worked on it, to no avail. Well this Christmas something happened. Her school had a Christmas play. She had lines.....lots of them, and I immediately went to the teacher and said, "this won't work. She will not get through these lines, she will cry.....I guarantee." The teacher said, "Well we have had a few practices and she has been fine so I will move forward." I knew this teacher was crazy but I let her proceed. How did it go? It was like a different girl. She stood confidently, said her lines in front of all these strangers and parents, and it went off without a hitch. I was amazed; we celebrated and thought we were through the stage fright. Yeah!! Nope......not long after that she was again asked to give a talk in primary, we prepared, she was confident and then when she went to the pulpit and began telling the story of Nephi she began to sob again. Wow....I thought we were through this. I guess not. I was baffled.

Now to Family Home Evening last night. This was her first time to prepare and totally give the lesson all alone. She had no help from anyone and worked so hard preparing. She stood and again began to share a scripture story and within 20 seconds I saw it coming again......her sweet eyes were welling up with tears. I couldn't believe it...was she having stage fright in front of us???? She again began to sob and sob.....and came to me for comfort. I gently urged her back to the front of the room and she eventually finished a beautiful, sweet lesson and wrapped up with a fun game. I laid in bed Monday night and thought and thought about it and suddenly, like a puzzle, it all came together for me. She doesn't have stage fright, she is a deeply spiritual girl who feels the spirit of our Heavenly Father so strongly that her little body sometimes can't contain it. Many memories came flooding back. When she began the school year she had a Fathers Blessing and as the blessing began I heard something and opened my eyes to see this sweet 6 year old sobbing almost uncontrollably as her father blessed her. At the end she fell in his arms and the feeling in the room was so strong. She is fine being in front of people if she is going to talk about Frosty the Snowman but if she is going to talk about the prophets, apostles and the Savior she will always struggle for composure. Oh I LOVE this sweet girl. I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who helps us as mothers understand and love our children and I am grateful that such great, strong spirits are being sent into this world today. I am so blessed and lucky that she is mine.

Soooooo Funny!

I have been laughing and laughing the past few days as Chris got himself in a funny predicament. A few days ago he was the guest reader in Elle's class. He took a book called "Disgusting" to read. It is a funny book that has poems about smelly socks and gross drippy noses etc. The kids loved it and he hams it up to make it very funny for them. They had a great time. Welllllll, he accidentally left the book at the school. The next day Elle went to play with her best friend Ella after school. Chris went to pick Elle up at Ella's house and as he is at the door talking to Ella's mom Elle pipes up and says...."Oh Dad, you forgot your dirty book. Chris's face went red and he slightly chuckled and said "What are you talking about Elle. "Your dirty book Dad, you know". His face is getting redder and he truly has no idea what she is talking about and says "Elle, I don't know what you are talking about". Elle pipes up louder. "Oh Dad, you know about your dirty book, the one you love". At this point he is horrified and says an embarrassed goodbye and gets out of dodge. By the time he got home, he had finally figured out what she had been talking about and was totally mortified that Ella's Mom thinks he is some kind of creep. I know I shouldn't laugh but it is so funny to me.

Deep thoughts

Chris and I are in warp speed mode right now as he prepares for his trip to New York next week. I usually find the shower just before bed and my house is a little bit unkept. Oh well, it feels good to be working hard though we have had so many struggles over the past year. I feel so blessed......We have grown more through this past year of struggle than at any other time in our married life. I can't be anything but overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity to stretch myself spiritually and mentally and feel so at peace with where we have landed. So these are my deep thoughts......totally unrelated to the last paragraph.

It is so fascinating to me how 2 people can have similar experiences and come out with completely different perspectives. This has been so heavy on my mind lately. Two people can have the same parents and yet one feels bitter and angry that their parents fell short and yet another has love and admiration. Two people can go to the same church meeting and one comes out offended by the things said in the talks and another was deeply touched. It goes on and on and I have come to realize that one of the saddest things we can do in life is to choose to see and dwell on the negative. Negativity is poison and it ruins lives. People will spend their whole life angry at a perceived, or even justified, offence or slight. They will talk unkindly about others behind their back and find fault in how they live their lives but it is a cancer to the perpetrator and stunts their growth and happiness. We truly create our own happiness or sadness....no one can do anything to change that, it is up to us and the most powerful tool in this pursuit is Choice. We make choices everyday in regards to our relationships with friends and family that can go in a negative direction or they can be full of joy. Joy is a choice we make every day by the perspective we choose in each situation. I am learning so much as I seek to incorporate these concepts in to my life. I have always been a very positive person but I have seen this cancer in myself at times and I am gratful to be gaining this new perspective. People are innately good, with many flaws, when we focus on the good in others and not their flaws our life is full of joy.