A Perfect Moment

This morning I woke up very early and headed out for some holiday store shopping. In my desire to not wake a soul I grabbed mismatched clothing in the dark, threw my hair in what could be loosely termed a ponytail, and headed out, mascara under the eyes and all. Ne'er a light was turned on and being that it was pitch dark outside, I was quite a sight as I headed out on my task. It was New Years day so the world was a ghost town. When I arrived at the store looking like a homeless woman I was greeted by the store checker with suspicion. As I began filling carts full of merchandise I could see he was getting extremely worried...."Is this a crazy homeless lady with an obsessive compulsive shopping disorder? Is she filling carts only to leave them for me to put a way? Does she even have any money?" Finally he came over and asked me for ID....you can imagine how bad I looked for him to actually need to see ID. He was obviously concerned. I could also see disappointment when he realized that I was legit and he was going to have to check me out with my 12 carts full. His concern turned to extreme annoyance.

As he checked me out he huffed at least 40 times, his eyes rolled and he put things in bags all together way too rough. He wanted me to know that I had disrupted his morning routine with my load and he was mad. He didn't say a word to me through the whole process and being as I had not even bothered to brush my teeth before sneaking out, I wasn't speaking much either. I tried to be cordial and kind but he wanted none of it. Finally as we were nearing the end of the purchase he sighed and in a curt voice said. "So it looks like you are really stocking up for next year". "No" I replied, "This is not for me, this is for my school, we put together a store so all the kids can do their Christmas shopping. We purchase things very cheaply so that even those children who can't afford gifts can give them. This is all for next years store." He suddenly saw me in a new light, I wasn't a crazy compulsive shopper, I was doing a service for our community. His countenance changed in that moment. He was kind those last few minutes and suddenly wanted to help. He asked if he could help me load my car and we were friends as I left.

I can't stop thinking about perspective and how often we are altogether wrong about each other. I read CJanes blog today where she shares how someone had left a comment for her saying that they think she is self centered. Wow did that ever hit home. It made me cry.
A blog is a one dimensional medium. We see a picture, we read the things written but it barely scratches the surface of who a person is and what they are going through. It is a small snapshot that we share with each other but just like my crazy haired appearance this morning it is so incomplete that we are often wrong in our judgements.
Someone may read my blog and think I am rude and self absorbed or any number of unkind things. They would be both right and wrong. I am sure I am rude sometimes though I try desperately not to be. I know that there are many times when I think too much about myself but I am constantly trying to see others and find the charity that I so much pray for and desire. I know that I am not a good enough friend and I haven't always loved enough.
Another may read and think wow they have it all together and are amazing. Again, both right and wrong. We are amazing in our love for each other as a family and our desire to do good but we are hopelessly flawed and sometimes just plain a mess. We make many mistakes, often get frustrated and struggle with all things that a family of 4 could struggle with. This is the complexity of life and the facade that we often don't see through until we know someone well. A while back my sister said to me, "Treat everyone you meet with the love and care you would give someone that you knew was going through a very difficult time in their life and 70% of the time you will be right". This statement has sat in my soul since she said it. We are all struggling in some way and how great it would be if we always made a point of lifting each other up, giving the benefit of the doubt and loving no matter what.

At the second store I went to, an elderly lady came in as I was headed out. She saw that I had 7 or 8 carts full of bags and immediately gave me a sweet smile, held the door and asked if she could help me. She was at least 75 - 80 years old. She quickly pulled one of my carts to the car for me and held the door as got the other carts. As she headed back to the store I ran ahead and held the door for her. She looked at me (crazy hair and all) with such love and in that moment I loved her. I don't know her name or anything about her nor she of me but it was a perfect moment.

We have put away the sparkling cider and fondue pots and have set our goals. I pray this year that I will both, not judge others nor be offended by others judgement of me. I hope to have a new perspective and fill my life with love for all, even the seemingly unlovable.