Disconnected

Our rickshaw ride through the Hutong area to visit a local family

It is 6 am, Chris is sleeping and I am wide-awake with anticipation of this new day on such an amazing adventure. Yesterday, our first day here, was amazing but also a little strange. We woke up early for a wonderful breakfast then headed out for some sight seeing, The Great Wall of China, a jade factory, silk factory and a rickshaw ride to visit a traditional Chinese family to see how they live and spend time in their home.

Inside the doorway to a upperclass home

About halfway through the day I finally had to admit to Chris that I felt weird. It was a numb feeling. I felt almost as if my body had arrived in China and another part of me, the part that feels, had not yet arrived and I felt strange and disconnected. I was loving the whole experience but felt very numb. It felt so good to get it off my chest because as soon as I confided in Chris his eyes lit up and he said “me too, I am feeling the same way”.

City Sites

We go everywhere with the other family who is also adopting, the Tates’, they are such a nice couple and we have enjoyed getting to know them. In the afternoon we went to a traditional Chinese lunch and as the lunch was winding down the Tates left the table to do some shopping downstairs and it gave Chris and I some time to sit and talk about this strange disconnected feeling we are experiencing. We knew it wasn’t jetlag as we felt fine physically but it was more of a spiritual yearning and had me a little worried. We talked and ended up in a laughing fit (those of you who know Chris and I won’t be surprised by this). Our guide came back to the table to get us and we were laughing so hard that she asked if we had had too much of the 56 proof complementary vodka they had offered at lunch. When we told her we don’t drink alcohol and she looked at us suspiciously.

Chris on the Great Wall of China

As he and I talked and shared our feelings we realized that we came here to China for such an important reason and although what we are doing these next two days is fun, it isn’t our purpose, so this sight –seeing and shopping almost seems trite in the big picture. Hence we feel slightly disconnected in the tourist role. Talking about it and sharing our feelings put me at ease. We feel so strongly about Eve and our purpose in getting her that it feels a little strange for all this build up in coming here and getting her to be filled so far with sight seeing and shopping.

Everyone rides bikes. They are everywhere.

After coming to that understanding I was able to reconcile my heart, let go, and just live in the moment and love the things that I was seeing and doing as part of my journey to understanding Eve, her culture and the place that will always be tied to her heart. The afternoon went so much better as we toured the city we saw everything through Eve’s eyes and trying to understanding our daughter..…..the disconnect was gone and I loved and felt everything. I am so grateful for my husband and best friend. I am grateful that we had so much fun yesterday and laughed and enjoyed our day to its fullest. I am looking forward to today and just feeling and experiencing this wonderful country. I am in anticipation of March 22^nd and seeing our new daughter again. I say ‘again’ because I feel as though we knew her before and this will be a reunion not a meeting.

On the Great Wall