Today I have had a little pain in my heart. Even though we all know growing up is hard, I think it is harder to be a mom and watch your kids grow up. When they hurt, we hurt more. As a young girl I had my share of friendship struggles and hurts. There comes a point in your life when friends are everything and when those friendships aren't so good, it makes life difficult.
Chloe didn't have many good friends in Elementary school. For some reason she was shunned so she focused on her school work and I kept telling her to be kind to everyone despite her hurts. Middle school has been great. The past 3 years she has fostered some good friendships but there are always bad ones in the mix. Olivia on the other hand had great friends in elementary school but has struggled this year (middle school is a whole new thing). The weekends come and go and all her friends (I say that loosly) will get together for sleepovers and movies and she will not be invited. Everytime I see my girls sad, my heart aches. I think it is way harder to be on the parent end of all this.
So last night Chloe had arranged for a friend to come over. Last min this friend invited another friend to come along......no big deal until.....the two of them went over to the first friends house, called Chloe and said they couldn't come anymore and the two of them hung out and had fun together and didn't invite Chloe. She was sad, and so was I. A couple of days ago I asked Elle how school is going? She is my ever stalwart non drama girl. She just shrugged and said "Ok" so I enquired further until she broke down in tears and told of how she introduced her friend to another girl and now those two are best friends and leave her out. Then tonight Olivia got in the car when I picked her up from school and was sad because all her friends meet after school and walk out together but lately they have started leaving her to walk alone.
This blog is my journal and my girls will read it and one day their daughters will read it (oh no maybe I should delete the post about me wanting to steal homeless people's food :) ) So Here is what I want to say.
I know why we are here on this earth and though I ache with you, I know it is ok. We are not here to be cute, rich, have nice clothes, or be popular. We are here to grow and develop into the best human beings that we can possibly be and our Heavenly Father is orchestrating things to help us get there. Often our greatest growth will come from our greatest trials. You will be more compassionate because you have been left out, you will be more loving because you know the hurt and you will draw closer to your Heavenly Father as you plead with him for help and understanding. As your mother I don't care if you have, or are, all the things that the world will tell you have value. I do deeply care if you are kind, full of faith, optimism and love for others. Dad and I will be here to hold your hand through all the hurts and your Heavenly Father hears every prayer. You are in good hands!
20 comments:
What a moving post - brought me to tears! Probably because that happened to me so many times when I was younger...getting left out, I mean. Girls tend to do that, don't they? Exclude others. Your girls are so lucky to have such a kind, wise mother. I hope I'm so reassuring to my daughter when these types of days come in her future.
So true! Those are the things that matter most - Friends come and go but you always have family (at least for the most part) and heavenly father to rely on! Can my children and grandchildren read your journal too...You are wise!
Isn't being young so hard? I have many memories of "cruelty" from my peers as a kid. It is indeed harder, I think, to be the mom, but my boys don't seem to have that problem as much. I think boys just aren't as clicky, for the most part. It'll be interesting as my daughter gets older to test that theory, I guess. Your girls are so blessed to have such a wonderful family, and that will get them through anything!
Oh, I saw that your "blog is your journal" and thought of a comment that was made in Relief Society (of all places). I had mentioned my blog as being sort of a journal, but was concerned that something would happen and it would all get lost. Then someone raised her hand and said that she prints hers about once every two weeks. Interesting. I think I'm going to start doing that. Just an idea for you.
that brought tears to my eyes.
I am sorry thier hearts hurt right now. I felt that kind of pain quite often in school. Very tough. You are such a great mom. They will get through it with you :)
I feel so bad for your daughter! She will be so much better off though thanks to this trial! I think trials with friends often lends itself to making us more genuine. She will be stronger in the long run. She has the opportunity to learn to rely on Heavenly Father as her very best friend as well as her parents. I think this is a great blessing in her life even though I am sure it doesn't feel that way right now! I will try to remember your girls in my prayers!
Oh thanks for this Gale. It is good to know that even the best of the best go through some of this stuff too.
Thanks for thinking of us for News Years.....we would have been there, in a second, if we didn't live a thousand miles apart!
I completely feel their pain. I remember finding about parties after-the-fact and wondered why I was the ONLY one not invited. I even remember being invited last minute to another party because she found out that my feelings were hurt because I wasn't invited. There's nothing like a pitty invite--at least she had a heart :) Regardless, I see so many people still at my age who feel left out because they are not included in a group of friends. This particularly happens at church. I decided and realized a long time ago that it's tough to be friends with everyone all the time and not to look at a group of friends so much as a click, but more as a group of girls that happend to all get a long and really enjoy hanging out with each other. We all find people that we eventually "click" with and we just have to appreciate the friends that we do have as opposed to feeling left out of another group.
I found your blog through Kari Hobson's. That broke my heart!! All of your girls are so beautiful and from reading your blog, seem to be very talented...I'm sure a lot of it stems from jealousy! I didn't have friends at all in Jr. High or High school and it was soooo hard....but one thing I learned is that you don't want to be the girl who peaks in 10th grade. Like you said, your girls will be better people for their hardships.
ok...so i am going to copy this post over to mine or copy it for my daughter to read when she gets a little older!!! it was perfectly said!
but really, i think that this is so true and yet so hard for parents to know what the best way possible is to handle it?!?...and will they listen to and respect us? hopefully...
thanks for your thoughts and thanks for their simplicity!!! have a great day...
I just can't even believe this. I didn't have sisters growing up so my friends were very important. This would have devestated me. I know I had similar experiences here and there (we all do right?) but some of what you describe is just so malicious.
I have to wonder if looks play into this a little bit. Girls can be so consumed by insecurity and often the prettier girls become a target for all of that. So much easier to put someone down than to admit your own feelings of inadequacy. Who knows - maybe that's why some of the nastiest girls are the prettiest. Survival? No excuse of course - but it does make me wonder.
As lovely as your daughters are on the inside - they really are quite beautiful and I wouldn't be surprised if that made people automatically view them as competition.
And of course, we sometimes pick the wrong friends... I know from my own expereince growing up that the popular girls weren't always the nicest girls. I actually drifted away from some of my first friends in high school as a result of deciding that they just weren't all that pleasant. Sure it was great to be at the popular table at lunch - but only for a little while. It was stressful and quite frankly too much work! I always had individual friends and avoided the whole group think of cliques. But I was also lucky in that I found some wonderful people to be my "sisters" - people I could count and still do to this day (I'm all about keeping childhood friends).
This is all so easier said that done... And in the end, the kindest souls are always the ones most likely to get hurt. Having been one of those myself (no thick skin here), I can sympathize with your girls. And being a mother - I can sympathize with you! You are all so lucky to have each other - because at the end of the day, no one else really matters. Unless they earn that consideration of course.
You're a good mom Gale.
I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I wish I could just take that hurt away, and not have them deal with it. I think it comes & goes in spurts, we had a really bad spurt at the beginning of the year, but it seems to have worked itself out. I wish they could believe me when I tell them it will all be fine again someday, because I really think they feel like it's the end of the world!
This made me sad! I know how it goes. I was bullied and ridiculed and left out all through middle school and high school. It was really hard and really lonely. But it also shaped compassion and empathy deep within me.
I promise it will be different when you get a little older! Your mother is very wise. Being kind, faithful, optimistic and compassionate will develop your spirit in such a way that you will make and keep the best of friends. The kind you will keep in touch with throughout your life. The ones that will share the joys and stresses of college, marriage, motherhood, church callings, and all the ups and downs.
Just hang in there- the best is yet to come.
Oh, my heart aches for you and your girls. I have three girls and Anna being the oldest has already had her share of girl drama.
This year has been especially hard because of little girls in her class, which has made her faking sick to miss school even worse. It is so hard to watch your child get left out and hurt.
But I agree. It is more important how they react and that they are kind in return. Anna has already learned some valuable lessons as a six year old that I hope with shape her into the beautiful woman I know she can become.
Good luck. You are a great Mom.
Cried reading this one. Been there with my kids..it is hard to watch them go through hurtful things..love the way you wrote your why all of this happens and how we as parents are and will always be there for them. :)
I have had a few experiences with my oldest son (8yrs. old). It's really hard on a Mommys heart.
I have had a few experiences with my oldest son (8yrs. old). It's really hard on a Mommys heart.
Hi Gale,
I just found your blog through Pink Slippers. You are a beautiful family! I have all boys myself. I suffered loneliness and rejection too when I was growing up because my family moved around so much. I was very shy so that made it even harder. My heart goes out to you and your girls because I remember! But now when I remember those times, I always think of David the shepherd boy and it brings me comfort knowing that one of God's greatest in the Bible knew loneliness too, and yet through his pain, he learned to trust his Creator. Have a lovely day and Merry CHRISTmas to you and your family!
Blessings,
Sandi
This made me cry. Tweens/teens can be so hurtful and "catty" - how nice for your daughters that they will always have each other as best friends especially when they grow into young women. It's not what they want to hear at this age but having all sisters is truly special.
My heart aches for your girls......and yes I have been there as well with mine.
Not that we can completely control the actions of our children but I often wonder about the parents of the other children. For example when a planned sleepover is cancelled and alternate plans are arranged......do the other parents not see what is going on? If so should they not be guiding their children accordingly?
At their age they don't understand we have all been there at some point and in some way and that truly the best years are yet to come.
Peace to all of you.
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